Reflections of Yourself
by Merry Masquerade
Summary: Kagome's thoughts on a relationship she doesn't want and a relationship she wishes she had. Angsty oneshot.


A.N.: Hi again. Yeah, two posts within a week. My muse must be making up for lost time... I'm kind of on an angst kick right now. Must be the teenaged hormones and the fact that school started...

Anyway, this just kept nagging at me, so here it is. Shorter than the last one, but I think it's pretty good.

This is how Kagome views her relationship (or lack thereof) with both Hojo and a certain hanyou we all know and love (no, not Naraku, that's just weird... no offense to Naraku-lovers).

Enjoy!

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**Reflections of Yourself**

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You know the saying, the one that says the only reason you don't like someone is because they mirror a trait that you don't like about yourself?

I don't like Hojo.

But he likes me.

That's the problem.

Okay, at the beginning of the year, I would've loved to have a chance with him. So would most of the female population that's ever laid eyes on him.

Yuka, Eri, and Ayumi think I'm crazy to turn him down so many times. They can't figure out what changed. They're puzzled as to why I don't like him anymore, just when he starts to take an interest in me. I'll tell you what happened.

I turned fifteen. And I fell down a well.

I met the most aggravating, abrasive, obnoxious, loud, rude, mean, insensitive, oblivious _jerk_ on the face of the earth.

And I think I'm in love with him.

I get nervous when my friends ask me about 'Mister Possessive' because I don't know how to answer their questions. I mean, I know he's in love with someone else, but I'm not sure what exactly it is that _I'm _feeling.

I like being with him. I think about the kiss we shared in Kaguya's castle- my very first, if that even counts- all the time, and I imagine doing it again. I get butterflies in my stomach when we get close- until the inevitable fight, that is. I hate seeing him hurt. I get jealous when he goes to see _her_. Thinking about what will happen when we finish the quest, or when he goes to Hell with her... it terrifies me. I think I may die if that happens, but I want him to be happy...

I've never felt this way before. Is this love? I think it is. I hope it's not, because that just means I'll get hurt, but I'm almost certain it is.

And if I do get hurt, it's my own fault. He's never lied to me. He's never led me on. He's made it perfectly clear from the start where his heart lies...

So why do I feel so betrayed every time he runs off after her soul collectors?

That's the main reason I put up with Hojo- or Kouga, for that matter. Part of it is politeness, part of it is a small naughty hope that he'll be jealous (Kouga's really great for that), and the other part...

Let me put it this way: they've both taken an interest in me, and hope I feel the same way. I don't, of course, but it's flattering to feel appreciated. I know I'm probably being selfish, but I like being _wanted_.

I went on a date with Hojo after a particularly bad fight on the other side of the well. I know, using him to feel better is wrong, but I needed a boost in self-esteem. I wasn't really interested in having a good time with him. I wasn't even really thinking about him.

I think he knew it, too. He may seem oblivious, but I've learned to read people; he's just being polite. I can tell.

He keeps trying, though. He takes anything I give him- even if it's just a polite 'hi' in the hallways when I'm actually at school.

Every time I turn him down, there's a little tinge of disappointment in his voice. When I'm out with him, there's a tiny bit of wistfulness in his eyes, like he knows...

Hojo knows I'm not thinking about him when we're together. And he wishes I was, but is just _too polite_ to say anything. I think he keeps his mouth shut because he wants me to be happy...

I'm sorry Hojo. But being around you is just too depressing for me.

You see, we are exactly the same. And it hurts to watch.

We both love someone who is in love with someone else.

**Owari**

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**Shameless Plug:**

Good? Bad? Tell me! I got so hyper from my Ensnared in Destiny review (yeah, singular, but that's better than nothing- thank you, daydream14), I think I need more! Yup, definitely need more.

Was Kagome OOC? That's a big concern of mine. Feedback is loved! No flames, please!

Thanks for reading!

Peace and love,

**Movie-CaffeineAddict**


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